I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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