just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
