well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
