Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
