She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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