I cockslap morals
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
