Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
