he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize