Your mouth is God's brothel.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize