He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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