i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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