Umm I'm too high to move.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
