im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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