we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oh god it's open bar.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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