If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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