We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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