glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
