wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
