I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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