Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
