apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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