shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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