never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
