its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
me + whiskey = a bad person
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
