I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
