I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
