I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
