Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
