I seem to have left my pride at pride
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize