told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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