is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
