i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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