a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
