I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
