Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
