You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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