Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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