Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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