he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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