I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
