i think my mom watched the whole time
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
