i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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