dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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