Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
