keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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