no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Drunk is not a location!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
where are my eyebrows?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
