The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
