Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
