well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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