I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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