guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
