i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
two words...techno handjob
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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