My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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