I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
