so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
