I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
