so that wasnt chicken after all
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
