Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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