You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
