I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
