The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize