you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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