Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
