I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
