Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
