I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
