i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
