I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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