Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
