pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
