chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
